Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
by Mutant of Time
Summary: Karkat starts his heat cycle and Dave becomes more culturally aware. Best bros or not, desperate times call for desperate measures. Screwing your best friend? That's definitely a desperate measure. DaveKat heat fic. Rated M because language and sex. Oneshot, meteorstuck. Very very light RoseMary if you squint.


**AN: Finally putting this out here. I finished it, I'm done, it's done. It's been in progress for like two years now and I want it out of my hands, haha.**

 **If you know me irl, please just don't read this dear god. It's full of sex. :)**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck yadda yadda. Image belongs to blimpcat.**

* * *

It was funny, the way the two of you worked. You could get nice banters going sometimes, but lately and more often than not, you were great at listening to each other. Karkat would listen to your raps and even contribute on occasion. You would listen to his stories and mostly refrain from making fun of them. You would listen to his long winded rants about the characterization of the people _in_ the stories, and he would listen during those rare moments when you opened up to him. Whenever you had nightmares, you could go to him. He would hold you until you calmed down, and you would never fucking tell him but his arms felt like the safest place in the world.

It definitely took a while, but you've opened up quite a lot to each other, and you spend a lot of time together. Such as now. He was whining to you about an unfamiliar issue, to you at least, and the best you could do was sympathize and relate it to humans who get periods. The symptoms were _similar_ , at least.

"Dave it fucking hurts," Karkat whines at you, probably because you were the only one he had to whine to nowadays.

"I know man, you've been telling me that for like 30 minutes now."

Karkat huffs in a grumpy manner from his fetal position on his bed. You roll your eyes. He's being really dramatic. Not that you don't believe it hurts, you're sure it does, but his whining is past the point of simple pain.

He lets out a string of Alternian sounds that you've come to know as "Dave is an asshole".

"What do you want me to do about it?" you ask as you roll your shoulders, cracking them.

Karkat looks over at you with a strange expression, but its mostly a grimace

"I don't know," he replies. "Cuddle me or something."

"Cuddle you?" you deadpan.

"Yes."

He's absolutely pitiful.

"Fine."

It's not like that's never happened before.

You move casually as you take your cape off, as if you aren't looking forward to cuddling or anything. You totally aren't.

You never sleep or lay down with your cape on for fear of choking. Shut up, it's not like you can help your claustrophobia.

Karkat follows your movements with a calculated gaze, gritting his teeth together. He's thinking about something, but hell if you know what.

You kick your shoes off and slide next to Karkat on his bed. Your long sleeves are rolled up, and you almost flinch as your skin touches Karkat's. He's burning hot, and it's a little uncomfortable, but you'll deal. You mean, he has to, so it's really only fair. Anything for your 'best bro'.

Karkat is immediately drawn to you like a moth to light, clinging to you as you wrap your arms around him. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and burying his face in your chest. To be honest, it gives you this warm feeling in your chest that you'll never get used to. A warm feeling that you've grown to like, a feeling that makes you feel whole. Not that you'd admit that.

You can feel the light vibrations of his purring, a show that he's content. You don't really get how just cuddling you could ease whatever pain he has, but either way you aren't complaining. You're pretty sure that cuddling the little guy is one of your favorite pastimes at this point, it feels nice. Also, he's like your own personal space heater whenever you're cold, which is pretty cool.

You didn't realize you had fallen asleep, lost in your thoughts. You just think these thoughts so often, it becomes a cycle that puts you to sleep. When you wake up though, it's with a start. You're really hot, to the point of sweating, and also now is not the best time to wake up with a hard dick, what the fuck even? It isn't even morning, morning wood at this time is just stupid. Fucking stupid.

You peel yourself away from Karkat, who is still sleeping and rise a bit clumsily to your feet. You take your shades off, rubbing your eyes and wincing when you touch the dented marks on your face that the shades left while you slept. You give yourself a bit of a stretch before putting your shoes on and padding quietly out of Karkat's room to the nearest bathroom. Your face feels gross and you need to change your shirt, it's just way too hot for long sleeves.

As soon as you enter the bathroom, you set your shades on the sink. You strip yourself of your shirt and turn the sink on, cold water, and splash your face a few times. You rub at your forehead, curse gross puberty acne, seriously. You're lucky it's not very bad, but still. Gross.

After drying your face off, you put on one of your older white record printed t-shirts. Well, you can't really say it's old, because it was alchemized fairly recently to fit your new size. Growing was a bitch at times, meaning you had to alchemize new clothes every few months. It got to be a hassle, but you got to keep your old designs, so you suppose it isn't as bad as it could be.

You mess with your hair in the mirror a little, blowing it out of your face before you decide it's time to nag Rose for a haircut. You slip your shades on, leaving the bathroom and heading towards Rose's room. You make sure to knock first, because you do _not_ need a repeat of what happened 6 months ago. Rose answers her door, sober for once. She raises an eyebrow at you, greeting you.

"Oh, hello dear brother. Your presence here tells me you're either bored or need something, and I'm placing my bets on the latter. What do you need, Dave?"

You roll your eyes at her, though the effects are lost behind your shades. "Are you busy right now?" you ask.

"Yes, I was just reading with Kan-"

"Good," you answer, pushing past her as you deem her activities unimportant. You're an asshole, but at least you can acknowledge it. You give Kanaya a wave of greeting, which she returns, although she seems perplexed about something. You turn back to Rose, who's lips are pursed and arms are crossed in irritation.

"I need a haircut," you announce.

"That's wonderful to hear," Rose replies, huffing and stepping forward to examine your hair anyways. She lets out a very hard to miss 'parent sigh', one she usually gives to you when she's _extremely_ annoyed with you. You're guessing there was more to her plans than just reading.

After a few moments of messing with your hair, Rose holds a lock of it, some hanging below her fingers, and turns you towards Kanaya.

"How do you think this length would look?" Rose asks the jade-blooded troll.

"I think it would look just fine," Kanaya replies. It sounds a bit short to you, but Rose doesn't react. Instead, she brings you closer to Kanaya, and forces you to tilt your head forward.

"The only thing I'm worried about is his... well, the way he parts his hair here, I might need to make that area longer."

Kanaya stands, peering closer for a moment before promptly backing away. When you look up, her nose is wrinkled slightly.

"Do as you wish, Rose. I trust your judgement, and I'm sure Dave does too."

"Is something bothering you?" Rose finally asks Kanaya, who shakes her head in denial.

"No. But I must be going, I um... I have things to attend to while you're occupied with Dave."

She leaves without another word.

Rose presses her lips together in a fine line, but turns back to you as she calls out. "Very well, then."

She begins fiddling with your hair again as you ask, "What's with Kanaya?" Your eyebrows furrow a little.

"I was wondering that myself. She was perfectly content before your arrival."

Rose drags you to a chair, instructing you to sit and remove your sunglasses. You obey and she drapes a towel around your shoulders to make an attempt to keep the hair off of you. You know better though, your neck is going to itch for like, 6 years.

You close your eyes, forcing yourself to relax as you hear Rose begin snipping at your hair. It's not like you don't trust her, you just have issues with people fooling around with scissors right by your fucking head.

"Does Karkat need a haircut?" Rose asks, typical barber trying to make awkward conversation like a dentist when they have shit in your mouth. 'Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss'. No. _Fuck_ no. My gums are bleeding because you're stabbing them with sharp things, assnugget.

"I don't know," you finally reply. "He probably won't be up to one for a while. I think he's sick," you tell Rose, shrugging.

"Sick? With what?"

"I think it's just the dumb troll equivalent of the flu."

"What are his symptoms?"

"I dunno, Rose. He feels hot and he's sleeping more, and complaining about his stomach hurting or something."

Rose is silent for a time, to the point where you almost flinch when she speaks. _Almost_.

"I think it would be wise if you stayed away from Karkat for a while," she advises.

"What? Why? I haven't caught anything from him, I doubt if I even can."

"That's not what I mean, Dave."

"Then what do you mean?"

Rose continues cutting in silence for a few moments more before answering, "Let's just say I think I know why Kanaya left so quickly."

You make a sound of curiosity, and Rose continues, but not before snickering, which makes you frown.

"I don't know what you've been doing with Karkat lately, but it's his pheromones, Dave. Kanaya could smell Karkat's pheromones on you, and by her reaction, they seem quite strong. You'd have to be pretty close to him for that."

"Pheromones? No, Rose shut the fuck up," you defend yourself, blushing like mad. You can feel how hot your ears have become, they are your point of weakness. "It can't be pheromones, he's _sick_!"

"He's not sick, Dave. Karkat is going through his _heat cycle_ ," Rose laughs at you.

"Heat?!" you sputter, exasperated. "What the fuck?"

"I'm telling you, Strider. I'm the culturally aware one here, he's in heat. I've read all about it in a textbook, and linking the Alternian calendar to our trip, it would be about the time that the drones would come around to collect the geneti-"

"Shut the fuck up, Lalonde, I don't want to hear about this I don't need to hear about this just shut the hell up oh my god."

"You're flustered."

"Am not."

Rose doesn't bother carrying on with the argument. Instead, she tells you, "He's in heat, which is why you should stay away from him for a while."

"Dude, no. He's my _bro_ , I can't leave him all stranded and shit by himself. He's _suffering_ , obviously."

"And how do you expect to help him with that?"

You know what she's implying, and no this isn't her business, she needs to shut the hell up.

"Uh, no. We aren't going there. I'll just bring him food or something. Little stuff, just make sure he stays alive."

"We'll see," Rose snarks at you, and you frown up at her in response as she cuts your bangs. She finishes cutting your hair rather quickly after your little argument, and holds up a mirror. You examine your reflection before nodding in approval. Rose does a pretty great job of blow drying the little hairs off of you, and you stand to leave.

Rose stops you though, offering a few last words. "Whatever you do, good luck, Dave. Be sure to take care of yourself too, and send Karkat to me when he's up to it. For his haircut," she adds.

You roll your eyes and nod, putting your shades back on and leaving. As you make your way to what constitutes as the kitchen to get food for yourself and Karkat, you bypass Kanaya. She stops in front of you, and you begin,

"Heat, huh?"

Kanaya nods. "Poor Karkat. It's not a fun experience when you're stuck in a situation like his." You assume she's referring to his lack of concupiscent quadrants. Fuck yeah, look at you being all culturally aware, you know about the quadrants. Fuck Rose, thinking she's the only one who knows shit. You know shit, just not. You know, _dirty_ shit. Kanaya's words pull you out of your thoughts of self-victory, though.

"I would suggest that you shower more often, Dave, and avoid getting to close to Karkat."

"Yeah, Rose said that too."

Kanaya slowly makes a move to pass you, and you let her by.

"Seriously," she presses. "Shower. Any troll within a mile radius can smell him on you."

Your ears turn red again, but you nod quickly, and go on your way. Your trip to the kitchen is brief, you just get sandwiches and water and then return to Karkat's room. It doesn't take too long, but you internally complain about how far Karkat's room is from the rest of civilization on the meteor. As soon as you enter the room, two things fill you.

One: The _smell_ , jesus fuck how did you _not_ notice it before? Now you know what Kanaya was talking about, and you're sure even Rose could smell it too. It's a strong scent, you've gotta be just _covered_ in it, you're sure it's stronger because of Karkat's heat thing. It's mostly just the smell of Karkat, only _muskier_ , _stronger_. You hate to say it, but it just really smells like sex in general. Jesus _fuck_. It makes the little hairs on your neck stand on end.

Two: Karkat's voice. He's pissed, hysterical, even. Hormones, probably. The mood swings can totally be related to periods, even if the rest can't be. Then again, you don't really know, are girls horny on their periods? Fuck, actually you don't want to know, you learned more than enough during sex-ed, but you sure _hope_ not. That'd just be messy, gross, disgusting, shut up, Strider.

"Strider! How could you even, you said you'd stay with me and then as soon as I wake up, you're fucking _gone_ , you ass-faced grub-licking twat! Thanks for abandoning me!"

"Oh hush," you tell Karkat, ignoring both the scent and his rant, handing him food instead. "I went to get food, calm your tits."

You can hear Karkat mumble even through his bite of food. "I will _not_ calm my tits, I don't even know what the hell those are, and you got a lot more than _food_. Asshole."

You shrug, mumbling, "Rumblespheres," and eating your own food. You keep a bit of distance between yourself and the troll, as per Rose and Kanaya's advice.

Now that you know what's actually going on with Karkat, you notice little things. For instance, the strong funny smell is just one. You also notice the way he subtly shifts, rubbing his legs together, and the flush in his face.

Fuck you, dick, now is not the time to show up. Karkat is your _bro_ , _no_ you don't like him yes you do no you don't fuck off you're insane. He's your _fucking bro_. No, not in the sense that you fuck your bro but goddammit you're getting off track again. Train of thought must be derailed, it's a shame, you're killing thousands of people in this wreck. All of those women and children, even the goddamned men don't survive, it's a pity for everyone, they had lives.

It must be the smell of the pheromones getting to you, yes, that's it.

You hadn't really noticed these things before, mostly because you were oblivious, but now it was as if you were looking for the signs. Sure as hell, you've found them, but you don't mention anything about it. Yet.

You finish your food more quickly than Karkat, as he chews his food more carefully than you do rather than fucking inhaling it or whatever. It's always been like this, it's habitual.

You don't realize you've been staring at him until Karkat's voice breaks you from your stupor.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Karkat's face is flushed as he says this, but his scowl makes it less noticeable. Kudos to you Karkat, but you still suck at hiding the fact that you're probably really horny right now. What the fuck, Dave? Not appropriate bro thoughts.

You shake your head, internally grimacing at the fact that Karkat can read you even through your shades, and also at how wild your thoughts have been running.

"Nothing. I'm not staring at _you_ , that's for sure. I was thinking."

"Wow, Strider thinking for once? What a fucking surprise. It must be important if it makes you use your dull thinkpan! What ever could you be thinking about?"

You actually scowl at the troll, his mood swings grating at your nerves. He's goes from cuddly one moment to insulting the next, and you think it's stupid even if he's only doing it to protect his dignity.

"Okay, fine. I was thinking about you, numbnuts."

"Oh great, you aren't _staring_ at me but you're _thinking_ about me, that's so much better!"

"Shut up man, I was talking. I was thinkin' 'bout the way you're ill and all, and what I can do to help or whatever, to make you feel better. Because that's what best bros are for, right?" You ramble at Karkat. You almost smirk at his growing flush, surely he's thinking of actual ways to feel better. You have several ideas of what those could be, but you only entertain these thoughts for a moment, because you're self control is already waning, and you don't need a boner.

"Look," Karkat begins, "Uh, it's not something medicine or anything like that can cure."

"Well, why not?" you inquire, playing stupid.

"Because it's just not!" Karkat huffs. You think maybe you should leave, because he's getting too worked up over this, but at the same time, you feel you need to confront Karkat.

"You're a terrible liar," you tell him.

"I'm not lying!"

"Not about that. About what you're "sick" with."

Karkat goes dead silent, staring at you wide-eyed.

"What?"

"It's so easy to figure out when there are other trolls on this meteor, Vantas. They can smell it. I know about your stupid "heat" thing."

You definitely smirk now, but it's wiped right off your face as Karkat retaliates, slapping you. Actually slapping you, jesus fuck, apparently this is way more serious than you thought.

"It's not funny, Dave! You try being in my position, you huge asshole! Jesus _fuck_ , it's painful and I don't think you get that! I really don't get why you think it's so fucking funny? It's really not just being horny or whatever the fuck you imagine it to be! It literally _burns_ and hurts and there's nothing _I_ can do about it, and you know what? It fucking sucks! And just because you're a fucking stupid ass god tier human who thinks he's the _shit_ doesn't give you the right to make fun of _my_ issues!" Karkat fumes, withdrawing his hand. You wince, bringing your own hand to your face, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks.

You should've known better, to be quite honest, when Kanaya was sympathizing so much with him. Shit, you actually feel bad for him now.

"Jeez Karkat, calm down. I'm sorry, okay?"

"Calm down? Dave fucking Strider, I am sitting here in literally pain while you mock and make fun of me and you want me to _calm down_?!"

"Well what the hell do you expect me to do about it?" you demand, your hands flying outward in exasperation.

"Leave."

"What?"

"I said you need to fucking leave!" Karkat's voice gets louder with every word until he's screaming, and you know there's not just something in his eye. He's crying. It makes you feel like a gigantic piece of literal shit, and you deserve it. You deserve every moment of feeling like shit, because Karkat is feeling one hundred times worse and you're being a dick about it.

"I'm sorry," you repeat, and instead of leaving, you go against the advice of the girls and envelop Karkat in your arms. He surprisingly relaxes into you, his hands clawing into your back as he lets out a sob. You knew his anger just now was simply a front, he needs comfort, among other things, but mostly comfort. You can do that.

You even surprise yourself when you press a kiss to Karkat's forehead, man stop, shit like that's gonna give you away. He leans into it, making an attempt to stifle the sounds of his crying. It's all you can do to try to help calm him down, carding your hands through his hair.

After a while, he's quiet, but trembling. You pull away slowly, looking at Karkat. He's looking down in shame, his face red with tears and fluster.

"Hey. Look at me," you tip Karkat's chin up with your fingers, and he look sat you. "You'll be okay. I'll stop dicking around with you, alright? I guess I can leave if you really want me too."

"No," Karkat replies softly. "I want you to stay with me. I just want you to stay here. You're.. you're not a complete dick. No, fuck that, you _are_ a complete dick, but cuddling with me helps and it's comforting and you kind of do a better job at all that than Gamzee ever did..." he trails off. You nod in understanding, but you need to lighten the mood.

"I always knew you were the cuddly sort of guy," you chuckle.

Karkat almost gets offended, but then snorts, replying, "I thought that was a given. Story time and movie nights alone could tell you that much."

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that," you agree, kicking your shoes off once again. If he wants to cuddle, so be it. Fuck what the girls say. Your totally platonic best bro needs you and your manly man cuddles right now. You can't leave him hanging.

"It's too bad you only love me for my mad cuddling skills," you smirk at Karkat, shaking your head and feigning disappointment.

"Shut up, you dramatic doofus. Obviously I keep you around for other reasons too," he replies, rearranging the blankets on his bed.

"Like what? My good looks? My awesome raps? No, I got it, it's my aura of cool."

"Sure," Karkat replies sarcastically. "If it makes you happy."

You pretend to swoon as you speak, "Oh Karkat, only _you_ make me happy."

To be honest, you completely deserve the smack to the head that you receive.

"Just get in the fucking bed, dumbass."

You waggle your eyebrows, and totally deserve that second smack.

After Karkat is once again settled in your arms, you speak again, though quietly.

"Kanaya said I should stay away from you. Why?"

Karkat hesitates before answering, but at least he answers. "Because your scent and presence can trigger generally unwanted reactions from my body and my pheromones are meant to trigger yours. Troll stuff to successfully find a mate during pailing season."

"Oh." You really don't have much else to say. You're definitely not going to comment on how his pheromones are _kind of_ working. You're sure it'd be a bit different though, if you didn't already have a soft spot for the little guy.

"Kanaya doesn't want to deal with our whining later if we ended up dubiously consenting to... things. Also she probably can't stand the smell of me right now." You feel Karkat shrug.

"Spot on the second one. She told me to shower more because of it," you tell Karkat, laughing a little.

"Figures. The smell completely gives a troll away to another troll and it makes things dumb and awkward and humiliating which is why I haven't really left my block," Karkat explains as he shifts, wrapping both of his legs around one of yours. It's a slightly awkward position, but you don't pay a lot of mind to it.

"Yet you keep me around."

"You aren't a troll, you can't really pinpoint it as well."

"You'd rather have me, an intolerable human around, than a troll who knows how to help you."

"I'm sure _you_ know how to help me, you're not _that_ stupid. It's kind of obvious, fucknut. But you're not a troll and I don't have to worry as much. Besides, last time I checked, the only available trolls were Gamzee, who is fucking our ex. Terezi, who happens to _be_ our ex, she's fucking Gamzee. Lastly, there's Kanaya, who is fucking your litter-mate," Karkat mumbles into your shoulder. You quirk and eyebrow that he can't see and ask,

"How do you figure that? I mean, that you don't have to worry about _me_? What's that supposed to mean?"

"My pheromones don't drive you mad like they would another troll."

"And how would _you_ know that?" you snark, the quirk of your eyebrow practically heard in your voice.

"I think it's safe to assume you're fine."

"But what happens if I _was_ affected?"

"Dave, I'm the one with the fucking... _heat_ , okay? I think I have just a _little_ more self control than you. You'd probably be jumping me by now if it affected you like it would affect almost any other troll," Karkat sighs. "Can we stop talking about this now?"

The way Karkat shifts lets you know he's pretty uncomfortable with the topic and his situation right now, but you aren't done.

It's more than the stupid pheromones that make you go down this route, but you aren't going to acknowledge that. Stand down, dick, enemies lie ahead, get out of the danger zone before it's too late. We gotta be cautious about the following procedures. This is some goddamned double-o-seven shit right here.

"Do trolls have friends with benefits?" you venture cautiously.

"What the fuck is that?"

"..."

"..."

"Friends who have sex."

"...What does that even have to do with anything?" Karkat asks in a small voice.

You pull away from Karkat, sitting up and looking down at him. The eyebrows are completely necessary this time, _completely_. "I'm your friend."

You notice a very subtle change in Karkat's eyes, and if you hadn't noticed it, you'd think he was pissed off. But no. His pupils are dilated. Your position above him and your words are turning him on, not that he wasn't kind of turned on already, but whatever.

"Shut up, Dave. You aren't helping."

"I _can_ help." Insert more eyebrow waggling here. Just a slight of revision of 'Karkat I'm _willing_ to help you, please let me help you and make you feel better.'

But you're Dave Strider, and Dave Strider doesn't say those kinds of things out loud, much less to his best bro. Well, if that's what you still are anymore. That could change, if this goes further.

Karkat gives you a look that says 'Are you serious?'

You literally don't know if you can do this, you know you want to, but you don't really know if it's right? You have no idea what it will do to your current friendship with Karkat, but you've kinda gotta go for it anyways. You've liked him for a long time, even if you've been denying it. You push your shades up and out of your face and lean down, pressing your lips to Karkat's. It's nothing fancy, just a simple kiss, but shit if it doesn't make your heart pound. You _really_ want this with him, but only if Karkat feels the same. There's no way in _hell_ you'd proceed without his consent. That shit ain't right.

The kiss lasts merely a second or two, and you pull away before Karkat really has time to react or reciprocate. He stares up at you with wide eyes for a moment before acting quickly. He tangles his hands in your hair, pulling you back down and kissing you rather passionately. You're quick as all hell to kiss him back.

You're sure the contact must be setting Karkat's nerves on fire for what it's doing to you, and he can't hold still. He arches his back, generally just squirming underneath you as your kissing becomes more fervent.

By the time you pull away for breath, Karkat's breathing is so shallow, he's so flustered. It's like he's a completely different troll. It's cute, and he looks hot too, you _know_ it's far more than his pheromones that make you feel this way. They're feelings you've been suppressing for way too long.

You trace his jaw with your lips, down to his neck and bite down in a way that makes Karkat choke on a moan. You slide your hands under his shirt, just barely, and pull away to look down at him.

"Is this okay?" you ask with a quirked, yet concerned eyebrow. You want to make sure this _isn't_ a dubiously consented thing to whine to Kanaya about.

Karkat nods quickly though, and even aids you in the removal of his shirt. His chest and shoulders show you just as much of his blood color through grey skin as his face does, and his shoulders are also spotted with a few freckles, much like his face.

"I'd better not be the only one stripping here," Karkat growls, and you barely have time to lift your arms before Karkat is pulling your own shirt off, also effectively knocking your shades off of your head. At this point, you can't even bring yourself to care.

You reposition yourself so that you're actually straddling Karkat, and you reattach your lips to his collarbone. You bite down again, just hard enough to leave a mark, and Karkat attempts to buck his hips up into yours. His moan is fucking beautiful, and you kind of can't get over the fact that this is _actually happening_ , you're doing this to Karkat and _you're_ making him moan. This pulls a gasp out of you, but you stifle it against Karkat's skin, only grinding your hips against him to show how aroused you are.

It quite honestly feels like one of the most intimate moments of your life, the way you're holding and touching and kissing each other. You really don't think there's anyone you'd rather spend it with either, Karkat is just so perfect, he's always been so perfect, not that you'd really want to admit that. You really don't want any of this to end. Ever.

What takes you by surprise is the wriggling you feel against your dick, even through four layers of clothing, what the _fuck_ is Karkat even packing, holy shit man it's like a Japanese hentai all up in here. You decide not to voice these thoughts though, on the off chance you'll end up offending Karkat and ruining the moment. Instead, your hands work to undo Karkat's jeans, and he lifts his hips to aid you in removing them, seeming just as eager as you are.

The wriggling is even more evident now, and you know for sure now that Rose wasn't joking when she said trolls were quite... interesting. Now you know, because that is a straight up tentacle dick in Karkat's boxers. It seems as if it's on its way out to greet you, as the tip of Karkat's wiggly dick is literally inching out of his boxers by itself.

"Well hey there, little guy," you chuckle, sticking a finger out to Karkat's dick, which wraps itself around your finger. This is fuckin' surreal and creepy as hell, instinct tells you to flinch away, but you don't. The look on Karkat's face vastly overcomes any weird feelings you're having about this.

"Little? Offended," Karkat jokes. "Don't talk to my bulge." Despite the protest, Karkat rolls his hips into your hand.

"Whatever man," you reply, rolling your eyes. You take the liberty of exploring Karkat's body with your mouth, moving in a way that makes Karkat twitch with the effort of trying to keep himself under control. You find he has little leg scars on his sides, and they seem particularly sensitive. Karkat gets a little more worked up when you suck on them, but with his tenta-dick thrashing around, you can't focus on the little details of Karkat's sensitive spots for long.

When you reach the hem of his boxers, Karkat's bulge is eagerly greeting your face, and you have no opposition to it whatsoever. You tug Karkat's boxers down, discarding them to the floor before returning to center stage. You've just barely touched Karkat's bulge with your tongue when he sits up hastily.

"W-what are you doing?" He asks, looking a little panicked.

You arch an eyebrow, speaking slowly, "Giving you head?"

"Humans regularly put their mouths on their partners bulges?"

You nod, feeling more confused than him. "Trolls don't?"

"Teeth," is all Karkat answers. He has a good point.

"Good thing mine are dull," you reply, once again dipping down to take Karkat's bulge, as he calls it, into your mouth. It's wiggling around _a lot_ , which makes things a little more difficult, but the _sounds_ Karkat makes when you suck at the tip is just fucking _music_ to your ears.

You think you might have just a _tiny_ oral fixation, because you are probably way more into this sucking-bulge thing than you should be. But it's like, it makes Karkat _sing_. He honest-to-god _trills_ and the way he babbles in a mix of Alternian and English is downright _sexy_. This is way fucking better than any of your private fantasies, because shit man, you could only imagine so much. This is past the capabilities of your imagination, it's so much better.

The wonderful thing about this whole situation is that you hadn't exactly attempted to get all culturally aware about troll genitalia, so when you discover what he calls a _nook_ , shit goes _down_ man, it all goes _down_. You don't even really discover it, it's when Karkat is practically fucking your face and he _growls_ , reaching fingers down towards...

Woah. Just woah.

Now that you've found about about the troll-gina- "It's called a nook, dumbass, and it _needs_ you.", your oral fixation has become about ten times larger.

He's so fucking wet, it's a fuckin' mystery how you didn't notice it before. You brush (See: attempt to keep out of the way) Karkat's bulge aside, which he whines at, to get down to nook worship. Sit down, boy, it's time for your Sunday school lesson, today's topic is the Nook of God. C'mon, that was great, Karkat _is_ basically your god anyways, but you won't say it, you refuse to feed into his god-complex.

Your tongue laps up the reddish tinted fluids, translucent enough that you aren't freaked out, it doesn't look like blood. Karkat _whines_ because you are apparently not getting on with it like you're supposed to, so you fuck it, literally, you are so tongue fucking Karkat. It's hot and wet and slimy and kind of gross if you think about it too much, but when you're in the moment like this, you don't actually think about how disgusting you must look with genetic material dripping down your chin. What you think about his how every sound Karkat makes goes straight to you dick and makes your heart pound, and between the two you're feeling light headed, there is not enough blood in your body. You're the Knight of Blood Karkat, do something.

He does something. He wraps his legs around your shoulders, clawing at the bedsheets as he just fucking _humps_ your face. He's just totally _using_ you and it's just so hot, _god_. You're using all of your best moves, ha, as if you've really had experience in eating someone out. Either way, it seems to work because Karkat is just getting so _frantic_ , he can't be bothered to try and stifle his moans anymore. He's so _loud_ , and you wouldn't want it any other way, it's just so _him_. He's getting impatient though, you know it's not enough he's _telling_ you it's not enough.

"Oh my g _od Strider wh_ y the fuck are you such a goddamned _tease_ just fucking-" Karkat is cut off by his own moan when you abruptly slide two fingers in with your tongue. His back arches off the bed, his eyes squeezing shut as he lets out a _hnng_ sound, and seriously you're totally going to fucking soil yourself, _fuck_. You thrust your fingers, sucking at the folds of his nook and breathing in his scent deeply through your nose as he squirms, stuttering on the word "fuck" and your name when you curl your fingers in just the right way. Oh man, you're finding _all_ of Karkat's sweet spots today.

You don't mind it when Karkat suddenly grips your hair, pulling, but not pulling you _off_. In fact, you're really fucking into it, shit man this does not do well for your reputation as the _fucker_ , since when did you become such a submissive guy? You are _not_ supposed to get off on this, dammit. Nah, maybe you just like it rough. Yeah, that's it.

Karkat's other hand has moved to his bulge, and he's squeezing more roughly than he probably should, but at this point you're pretty sure he's the one who knows what he needs. He does one hell of job showing you too, you're learning quickly the sex language of Karkat Vantas. A whine when it's not enough, a series of trills and curses when it feels _just right fuck yes right there_ , and the few times he gets overwhelmed, he'll shimmy away or pull your hair a little harder.

You're up to three fingers with Karkat, and you're just so into sucking at his nook and the base of his bulge that it takes a few harsher pulls of your hair to get you to stop.

You sit up quickly, looking at Karkat's face in case you did something wrong. You kind of want to laugh though, as you feel your face is absolutely _dripping_ with his fluids, god this is so fucking hot. You lick your lip, it's an added touch, and you can see the spark in Karkat's eyes.

"You're gross," he comments, but you can tell he's totally into it. Regardless, it feels a little slimy, so you wipe your face off with the back of your hand. Karkat sits up, whining as he does so, you can tell he really didn't want to stop, but he's got something else in mind. His hands go to your pants, and they're quickly shed moments after. Karkat palms you through your boxers, and you lean back on your hands, groaning and biting your lip. His hand wraps around your shaft through the fabric, and he strokes hesitantly, which you can understand why because he jacks off differently than you do, you saw the way he did it. When you moan in approval though, he knows he's doing it right, and continues doing so.

He only does this for so long though, and you're mildly disappointed when he stops.

"Sup?" You ask. It's a generic question, but he knows the meaning in this case.

"I want to try..." Karkat trials off, mumbling something you can't hear as he pulls your boxers off.

"What?"

"I w-want to try your stupidly deformed bulge in my nook, fuckface."

"Excuse you, my dick is perfectly normal, if not _above average_ ," you can't help but brag, "and _you_ were the one fucking face," you retort, smiling stupidly.

Karkat rolls his eyes as he straddles you, holding back a moan as he simply grinds against your dick. His bulge eagerly meets Dave Jr, you can tell the two are going to get along very well. They will get along splendidly, it's going to be a huge fucking dick party up in here.

It's actually kind of hilarious how prehensile Karkat's tenta-dick is. It kinda just.. _slides_ around your dick and grips, clearly not willing to part from it's _true love_ anytime soon. Not that you mind, but Karkat mentioned having your Blessed Schlong of Utmost Importance in his Nook of God, so you make quick work of separating the two. Sorry guys, maybe some other time.

Karkat shifts above you, biting his lip as he positions himself over you. You're expecting a slow descent to allow Karkat to get used to you and your _absolutely magnificent_ girth _, no_ of course you aren't exaggerating! Back to the point, a slow descent is _not_ what happens.

Karkat just fucking. _Plows_ down, taking you by surprise, and you really can't help the loud gasp you emit to match his. Yours is a gasp of surprise, and his is one of mild pain.

"You okay?" you ask immediately, because you'd never forgive yourself if your dick destroyed the Nook of God.

"Y-yeah," Karkat stutters, "I'm fine. It feels fucking _great_ ," he gasps out, beginning to grind back and forth on your dick. Personally, you could go more for some up-down Strider Riding action, but this is really about Karkat, so you let him have his way.

Besides, his noises and the look on his face could send you over the edge if you really wanted it to, god he's so fucking _hot_. You'd never realized how into Karkat you actually were, maybe because you were in denial. Of course, that doesn't mean you're about to confess true love or anything like that. This is just a bros-with-benefits kind of thing, after all.

Or at least that's what it seems to be. You don't know what Karkat's feelings are for you, and you can't help but notice the part of you that wants it to be more than just bros-with-benefits. However, your main concern is to just take care of Karkat, and if this is what taking care of Karkat means, you'll take it.

You're brought out of your thoughts when Karkat begins to kiss you again. It's so much softer this time, though. He's doing all of the moving right now, your hands on his hips but not doing much. He's put his hands on your face, breathing hard as he kisses you. You moan into his mouth when he bites your lip in just the right way, and you don't even regret losing your cool. You just feel so good all over, and being so close to Karkat, so _into_ this is making you light headed, and you're forgetting how to breathe.

When you notice Karkat reach down to stroke his bulge again, you brush his hand away, wanting to do it yourself. You move your fingers in a rhythm similar to the one he's already created, and it seems to overwhelm him in the best of ways. He loses his concentration, his forehead resting against yours with his eyes shut as his rhythm stutters, and you can feel his nook contracting around you. He's close, you can tell, but he also doesn't want to lose it quite yet.

You can tell now, that something has shifted. Before, he'd been desperate, like he'd want to get it over with, come as soon as possible and be done with it. Now, though? It's not the case. He's got a decent pace, but it's slower, not desperate, and he's sensual. His hands explore your body, finding your nipples and touching them when he realizes what it does to you. You arch your back, pulling him closer to you and you move your own hips with his. Your bodies working together, rhythm like clockwork and clockwork has always come so naturally to you, this is something you've got down to a tee.

You hadn't realized when it started, but Karkat's breathing your name, his breath coming harder and his hips beginning to move faster.

"Oh god..." he moans, "Fuck Dave, fuck I... oh _god."_

It's the first time you've actually been paying attention to his mumbling, and the way he says your name so desperately has you moaning again, your hips moving of their own accord, bucking into Karkat. He tilts his head back in pleasure, and seeing his positive reaction, you decide to change positions.

You roll the two of you over so that Karkat is on his back, and you kiss him softly, nipping at his lip. It's a show of affection before you absolutely destroy him, because that's what you're going to do.

Not right away, though.

You get how Karkat was moving his hips, probably instinct for how trolls do it. But now, you want to show him the human way, and from his reaction to the teaser of it before, you think he'll enjoy it. You pull out until you've barely got the head of your cock inside him before slowly sliding back in, letting him get used to the different sensation. You repeat the motion of few times until he's moving his hips to meet yours, and you take that as a cue to speed it up. In addition to just the speed, you add force, and this has him _whining_.

"Fuck fu _ck Dave don't stop_ ," the troll stutters on his own words, and his arms are around your neck. He's gripping your shoulders for dear life as you slam into him, and you're forgetting how to breathe again, light headed and mesmerized by how _sexy_ Karkat looks right now. It's downright sinful.

You fuck Karkat mercilessly, and you've soon found yourself at the edge but you don't want to come yet, you want him to first.

"Oh my god," you breathe, words escaping you, "Karkat... sh _it._ " You slide your hand between the two of you, jerking Karkat off at the same speed as you fuck him, and you're barely hanging on. "Not yet not yet f _uck,_ " you groan to yourself, but it doesn't matter.

You bury your face in Karkat's neck, biting hard as you come, your rhythm stuttering as pleasure surges through your body. Karkat's not too far off, but he urges you to fuck him harder, faster as he feels the slowing pace.

"Str _ider_ , Dave no _don't stop_ fuck fuc _k me_ ," he chokes on his own words, moaning. You really can't disappoint him, but you're oversensitive. You want to just pull out and finish him off with your mouth, _god_ that would be perfect, but Karkat doesn't let you. He whines when you try to pull away, and you're left with no choice but to continue fucking him.

It burns, it's too much, but you suppose that's what he's been feeling all day. You breathe hard, catching on your own whines as you do, but you don't disappoint. You speed up, if that's even possible, thrusting into the smaller male with greater force, and you feel his nails dig into your bag, his legs tightening around your waist and holding you close.

What happens next surprises you, even more so than a Buzzfeed article would.

You didn't have much experience with multiple orgasms, but that sure is what you're headed towards. You can feel yourself nearing the edge again, your dick hard (honestly you don't know why it still is, must be the pheromones) as a goddamn rock as you fuck Karkat to the ends of the non-existent Earth. He's moaning louder than he has all night (?), and by the frantic moving of his hips you know he is close. You work his tenta-dick harder than before, and the dirty words, the filthy moan he lets out is what has you coming a second time right as he comes. Maybe it also has to do with the way his nook's tightened around your cock, it feels _so good,_ you don't really want this to end.

He calls your name when he comes, you're not surprised, but you are surprised by the amount of genetic fluid that spills out of his bulge and his nook, soaking his sheets and both of you from the waist down. Your load is very small in comparison, and you're a little embarrassed, but also way too high on pleasure to care.

When the two of you come down, breathing hard, Karkat is sighing in relief. And maybe also disbelief of what just happened.

He winces when you pull out of him, he's probably just as oversensitive as you are. You're sore, you probably won't be able to jack off for at least three days.

"You.. you okay?" You ask tentatively. Karkat looks at you, his eyes blank. His words form slowly, but you get what he means.

"I just... My best friend just fucked me senseless. I'm great."

You have to give him a laugh, sassy motherfucker even in bed.

You turn from humor to weirded out though when you literally watch his bulge slide back away from sight. Karkat seems happy about it though. "That thing hasn't been away in forever, I've been to... well. You know."

Your own dick looks worse for wear, like it's covered in blood. Gross. It's a lighter color than blood, but still gross.

Maybe like you just fucked someone on their period. Not like you would know anything about it, though.

"We should clean up," you suggest. Karkat raises an eyebrow.

"Have fun with that. I won't be able to move for the rest of the day."

"That bad?" you ask with a smirk.

"I think you bruised my hips," Karkat chuckles softly.

"Probably," you say as you grin, almost proud of yourself. Scratch that, not almost. Definitely proud of yourself. You just kinda lost your virginity to your best friend but it's okay, it was a really great lay, porn taught you a lot.

You decide that since Karkat allegedly cannot move, and you two cannot sit in this filth, you are responsible for cleaning up. You manage to get a towel for the troll, having him wrap himself in it and sit in a nearby chair as you completely captchalogue his bed, replacing it with a newly alchemized one. You just destroy the old one, Karkat doesn't have a problem with it, and then you task yourself with the cleanup of Vantas himself. You really want to just sorta lick him clean but that might be gross and also would just make you aroused again so you opt out of that option. You resort to wet washcloths, cleaning him slowly and thoroughly as he tries to stay awake, and then you clean yourself off.

After that is all said and done, you return to the bed with him, retiring under fluffy blankets.

"Don't wake me up for at least a week," you mumble to him, burying your face in his shoulder.

"Only if I _need_ you," he murmurs, and you let the implication of that go straight over your head in favor of sleep.

You can bang in the morning. You can discuss what you are now in the morning. A feels jam? In the morning. All you need now is sleep. And cuddles. Sleep and cuddles.

And in the morning? Maybe you'll tell Karkat Vantas that you love him.


End file.
